Talking about my struggles with MS helps me feel lighter
Recently whenever it was time to leave the house, my heart would start racing. I’d just crumble and want to cry.
My mood became extremely low, and I was anxious about letting anyone see me. I felt everyone could physically see I wasn’t OK.
I’d never experienced that before. I became isolated. My friends picked up on it and invited me out, but I found every excuse under the sun not to go.
My recent relapse trigged a rush of emotions
I was diagnosed with MS aged 17 and have lived with it for 14 years. At the time of my diagnosis there was a lot going on at home – we were caring for my gran. I dealt with MS myself because I was worried about burdening my family. I put it to the back of my head and was in denial.
A recent relapse triggered a whole rush of emotions for me.
But I got support with how I was feeling from my GP. They prescribed an anti-depressant, which I call my happy drug. It makes me feel that nothing in the world can bother me.
My GP didn’t mention therapy to me, but a friend recommended it through the Black, African and Asian Therapy Network.
I was nervous about opening up
I took me a while to get in touch. I was nervous about opening up to someone and saying I’m struggling. That time once a week at therapy is my most vulnerable time.
It meant everything to have a choice of therapist at the Black, African and Asian Therapy Network. You can request a therapist by gender, or who identifies as part of the LGBTQIA+ community. It was nice to find a therapist who could relate to me. The only thing I really wanted to explain was my MS, because that’s what I needed help with. Having to explain anything else, like my experiences as a Black woman, would have been an extra stressor.
Space where I don’t have to sugarcoat my feelings
A lot of things have come up in therapy, things that have always bothered me but I’ve just left it there to the side. But I’ve come to realise it does have an effect on my daily life. It was nice to uncover a lot. And how to navigate and deal with my MS and what it means to me.
In therapy, I say exactly how I’m feeling, without having to sugarcoat it. With family I can be in pain and suffering but will say, “I’m OK!” to make them feel better.
I pay for it using my PIP money. For me, it’s money well spent. I’d 100% recommend therapy to anyone who can afford it or get it on the NHS.
If people need emotional support I’d definitely also direct them to the MS Society. They have so many resources available, like the MS Helpline. And plans to develop more.
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Talking helps me feel lighter
Every time I leave one of my sessions I feel so much lighter. Like a whole weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Sometimes I’ve had a bad day and I just need to rant and get it off my chest.
I think there can be some stigma around getting therapy, and I’d like to see that change. I was very much against it for years. My attitude was: I don’t need therapy, there’s nothing wrong with me, I can’t complain.
But I've found that really and truly, talking is healthy. And therapy can really help.
You're not alone
Our MS Helpline can give you emotional support. Call 0808 800 8000 or email [email protected]. We’re here Monday to Friday, 9am to 7pm except bank holidays.
You can also can call Samaritans 24 hours a day from any phone, on 116 123
Find out about other ways to get emotional support
