My tips for dating and MS
Let’s talk dating, getting back out there and MS. It feels like a tricky topic and dating at the best of times can make us feel vulnerable. It was something I was really worried about. I had fears around being judged, misunderstood or simply 'written off'.
I've been through a bit of a healing process with my relationship with my condition. I’ve come to accept that it’s a part of who I am that I can’t change. If I can’t change it, then a person I want to spend time with is going to have to accept it. Or they may simply not be the kind of person I’d want to spend time with.
It’s easier said than done to think this way, but it’s a journey of self-love and confidence. Here are a few of my tips and ideas I’ve applied on my journey to love or friendship.
1. Do I have to tell them straight away?
I’ve grappled with this question and it held me back from putting myself out there. I think it came down to how my MS affects me day to day. And how important it feels to let people know about it straight away.
For me, MS is well-managed relapsing remitting. There are days I forget this is something I live with, and it isn't something I have shared off the bat.
I’ve also weighed up my emotional safety when sharing personal information like this. Do I feel comfortable with this person I’m sharing with? Are they respectful of individuals and differences? This helps me decide when it’s something I want to tell them.
2. What if they judge me based on a condition or disability?
I feel silly now, looking at this worry written down. But it was real for me and it gave me sleepless nights. But I feel if someone is going to judge you for something you can’t change, perhaps they’re not the kind of person to spend time with.
It might be that they’re lovely and trying to navigate their understanding of MS too. In which case I can signpost them to the MS Society, MS Trust or other resources. I could even offer to answer questions if that feels like an option. It’s something to weigh up – how would I feel about whatever their response is? But that power lies with me.
3. Be honest
I had a moment where I felt I had to 'come clean' and spit it out. I don't have to disclose anything until it feels right, but the flip side of this is avoiding it completely.
This may be because I was worried about the reaction and rejection. Or feel like MS doesn't affect me daily so it’s unimportant. While everyone is on their own journey, telling someone that MS is part of my life can help them gain the knowledge they need to understand, to be there for me and support me. I think this foundation is important if we’re drifting into the warm and fuzzy territories of love or friendship.
MS can be a significant thing to conceal. And if a date turns to true love, it’s an important piece of information that could impact both of your lives.
We all deserve love
Dating is a difficult topic and I certainly don't have all the answers. I'm navigating this myself. It’s helped me on this journey to be honest and have a sense of acceptance. For myself and any response from others.
There are things in life we can't change. But finding self-compassion, having the right people around and experiencing love is something we all deserve.
