Some thoughts on turning 50
I can’t believe I’m almost 50. When I was younger, I thought people who were 50 were really old. And now that’s me.
If I’m lucky I’ll get to 70. That’s only 20 years away. And let me tell you, the first 50 have flown by pretty damn quick.
It’s made me think about lots of things.
How MS changed my life
Finding out I had MS changed me a lot. It stripped everything back. The worse I became physically, the more I appreciated the things I could do. Because no amount of money was ever going to let me walk properly or run or dance ever again. So I found acceptance and peace in my situation.
But before I became a single mum, things were wrong, and I don’t mean just within the relationship. Within myself, there was a feeling that I wasn’t being who I was supposed to be. That I wasn’t leading the life I was meant to lead. It felt like there was an uncomfortableness inside, an itch that could never be scratched.
Leaving a relationship is always really hard for everyone involved. So of course it was a horrendous time mentally and physically, as the stress certainly didn’t help my MS.
The power to be happy
But over time, things began to settle. I started to build my new life, my new routines. And the changes I’ve gone through in the last 7 or 8 years are the best things that could have happened to me.
Because now I understand that everything you need is inside of you. The power to be happy, the freedom of inner peace, that awe for the world, the love and compassion and desire to help others.
You have to find the magic in the mundane, because that’s where the most fulfilling secrets of life are at.
I still have struggles, physically, mentally and financially. But in so many ways I couldn’t be happier. There’ll always be things in our lives that we’re unhappy about and would change if we could. But when you’re happy with yourself, you can manage those other external situations so much better.
Pleasure is not happiness
I think if you’re feeling scratchy in your own skin, it’s because you’re ready for change. You’re ready to grow into the next stage of you. But you can only do it if you listen to the quiet voice inside your head in the still of the night. Not to the external pressure for things, the desires and wants. Because pleasure isn’t happiness. It’s pleasure.
And that’s ok, it’s great to also have pleasure in your life.
But so many of us confuse it with happiness. So whenever we’re not experiencing pleasure, we feel like we’re not happy.
Strip all that back. Be aware of your surroundings, be aware of what you actually have, be aware of who you’d really like to be. Life is happening now, every minute of every day. You have to find the magic in the mundane, because that’s where the most fulfilling secrets of life are at. The magic is there, it’s inside, and only you can unlock it.
