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Nic with her children

Why I'm opening up about my MS

Nic Haste

In 2017 makeup artist Nic Haste famously revealed she was living with relapsing MS to millions of people in an emotional YouTube video. Four years later, Nic talks about her decision to retire from her job as an influencer and why, more than ever, she wants to speak out about MS.

I remember filming something for a TV show in the weeks before I was diagnosed. I’d lost my vision and a lot of weight and during that time the doctor told me I had MS. When the production team asked ’did you find out what was wrong with you?’ I just said ‘oh, nothing’s wrong’. I kept my MS hidden as I didn’t want people to think I couldn’t fulfil my work contracts.

Keeping my MS a secret made me feel like I was living a lie. And after I’d shared it publicly in 2017 – and received such an amazing response – it made me think about the people I didn’t tell.

I went from not saying anything at all to being really upfront at work. Every time I met someone new I would say ‘I have MS, do you know what it is?’ If they said they weren’t sure then I would educate them.

My MS has changed drastically

I think I’m seen to be in ‘good health’ but I often say to people ’you only see the good bits’. The reality is my MS has changed drastically. And I think as a result of home schooling and putting lots of pressure on myself I definitely relapsed last summer.

For four months I had vertigo and felt really ill. I couldn’t understand why I was losing weight and I was anxious. I couldn’t balance very well and I went from being able to walk 10 miles without thinking about it, to only managing about a mile and half before getting drop foot.

Around the same time I retired from work. If anything, lockdown taught me that my kids are my happy place and I need to look after myself.

Talking about MS with my children

My children, Harry and Edie, don’t really understand what MS is, but I have told them I have it.

Recently we were watching a film where one of the characters had lost her hair and Edie was upset because she looked so poorly. I told her losing your hair doesn’t always mean you’re getting more poorly – and that it might mean you’re trying to get better. I also said I might have to lose my hair if I ever have stem cell therapy for my MS.

Being more open  

I’m not one to not share things, but when I was going through my relapse I struggled to tell my friends why I couldn’t go for walks and catch ups with them. I think it’s because I’m the first person in my friendship group to have something like this and I’ve always been so independent. I didn’t like suddenly being vulnerable.

It’s taken me a year to come to terms with where my MS is at now, and counselling has helped me realise that friends are friends for a reason and I can tell them anything.

When you have MS you’re really conscious you’re talking about it a lot to people that don’t have it or understand it. So I love talking to people that are on this journey with me.

There’s a dad at my son’s football club who has MS and we chat about MS for the whole hour every week. It’s nice to have someone that completely gets it to talk to.

If opening up about my MS helps just one person then I’d be really happy.

#LetsTalkMS

This MS Awareness Week (19-25 April 2021) we’re saying #LetsTalkMS.

MS can be tough, and for many people talking about it can be challenging. Help start a conversation about MS – share your story

Ways to talk MS

Our online sessions and webinars are a great way to connect online. You can also join the conversation at FacebookInstagram and Twitter. And our MS Helpline is here for you, offering emotional support and information.