image shows devika smiling

MS doesn’t make you any less sexy

“You have MS, and you’re going to have the most amazing sex EVER!”

That was the message that flashed on my screen only a few days after I was diagnosed. It was from my best friend, sent after she finished watching a documentary about the love and sex lives of the UK’s disabled population, and it featured a woman with the same illness as me.

Happily married, it was obvious how giddy with love she and her husband were. They sat side by side, eyes full of mischief as they told the British public about how sex swings were the best thing since sliced bread. I thought they might be onto something, especially since they could barely take their eyes or hands off each other.

I was only twenty-one when I was diagnosed, and, for want of not wasting my young, reckless, and best years, I needed to know that I could still enjoy that part of life.

From loving to hilarious

Six years on, I can assure you that life has been pretty good. Since my diagnosis, I’ve been more resolutely proud of my sexual identity than I was before.

It’s spanned everything from loving to hilarious, and I’m glad to be able to look back and smile, sometimes with a private laugh to myself. In a sad and stark contrast, I also know how people can see me as less desirable simply because of my illness. The thing I have always seen as a quirk has disrupted one of the most human parts of my existence.

I won’t lie to you, it’s hard to feel like a temptress when my left leg would rather dip back at a 45 degree angle, much like I were part of Monty Python’s Ministry of Silly Walks, but that’s what Figleaves is for.

I can laugh, but when the part of your identity that you have fought hard to preserve and celebrate is called into question by someone you never thought would, it is heartbreaking.

Having a good time

I’ve been there, done that, and now no one is going to stand in my way. I will have a toe curlingly good time, and I will do with those who are worthy of my time and attention.

Sex is a part of human life. It’s for all consenting adults, including us with our misbehaving neurons. My life didn’t stop with MS, and neither did my sexual life. When I was diagnosed I didn’t stop being intelligent, funny, humble and reasonably attractive, and nor did you. That woman in the documentary knew it, and it clearly worked for her.

So, go ahead and have as much fun as any ‘able bodied’ adult would. MS doesn’t make you any less sexy.

About Devika Devika is a gin and music enthusiast, and a keen writer.