A selfie of Caz

Coming out of my lockdown bubble

This is the first piece I’ve written about lockdown. I’ve had the time to write, of course I have. I’ve just not had much inclination to be honest and I’m not sure why that is.

I feel a bit blank. I’m wondering if it’s from staying in practically every day for 11 weeks, or shutting down my mind due to the anxiety lockdown is causing me.

My reactions to lockdown changed over time

At first I went into a bit of panic, thinking ‘oh my days, I’m on immune suppressing treatment, I had lung surgery not long ago, I was a smoker, oh my gaaaaawd, I’m gonna catch it.’

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Then as we got to around 5 weeks, I felt much safer. I’d stayed in every day and my friends were doing my shopping.

I was living in my own little bubble of gardening, baking, TV, reading, too many glasses of wine and a few blocks of chocolate and packets of crisps thrown in for good measure…

I hung around in my comfy clothes, not watching the news. I had no idea what was going on in the outside world, and I liked it.

Leaving the safety bubble

But my bubble has been popped, so to speak. The restrictions are slightly lifted and things are changing. Now us shielders in England may leave the house, which is great news, but also a bit weird. It seems strange to be leaving the safety bubble, but at least it’s progress. The only problem now is, none of my clothes fit me. I’m not even joking…And I can’t very well venture out in pyjamas can I…?

And as someone with an underlying health condition, I worry about the risks. I’m not sure how I feel about suddenly going back to mingling with the real world. Social distancing, obsessive hand washing, mask wearing and no physical displays of affection now seem to be the new normal.

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Missing Home Bargains, but not the pub

I’ve found solace in my little bungalow with my books and food processor around for excitement.

I’ve missed Home Bargains, much more than I, well, bargained for. But what else have I missed truly, apart from my mum, family and my friends..?

I haven’t missed going out, I haven’t missed socialising that much at the pub, I haven’t missed having my tea out every now and again, or restaurants, even a takeaway for that matter.

Have these times set new standards for some of us, have we learned to enjoy our own spaces and company more..? Learned to spend time at a more leisurely pace, basically learned to enjoy simple pleasures that are all around..?

Will our lives be different for ever..?

I’d like to think some of the better changes will stick around, the good that’s been done.

I know I’ll still talk to strangers (albeit from 2 metres away), try and brighten someone’s day, and try to do good where I can. It’s the right thing to do and it feels so nice, you want more and more of it.

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