Becoming a mum after my MS diagnosis
March has been a significant month to me in recent years. It’s when Mothers' Day falls, and this year it's going to be the 10th anniversary of my first MS symptoms.
I always knew I wanted to be a mum one day. But when I got diagnosed with relapsing remitting MS, 3 months after getting married, I decided it would have to wait a while. I was only 30 so I was lucky I had a bit of time to come to terms with it all. I needed to get to grips with how a chronic illness would affect my life and the sort of parent I would become.
My experience of pregnancy and birth
After waiting a couple of years, I was fortunate to get pregnant quickly. I had a straightforward pregnancy where I felt better than I had in ages, after having morning sickness for a month or two. It's true what they say though – no one can really prepare you for what being a parent is really like. It was a bit of a shock to the system to start with!
As fatigue is one of my main symptoms, I was concerned about how going through labour would impact on that. I left it 'up to fate' but when I was 2 weeks overdue, I had an elective C-section as I didn't go into labour naturally.
I am so glad I did. It meant I could plan everything more and rest in hospital a few days before coming home. I appreciate it's not for everyone but I found it best for me.
Wobbly legs and a toddler
I managed the sleepless nights and breastfeeding relatively OK because of having family to help. But because of fatigue and having some leg weakness too, I found it really hard (and still do, to an extent) getting out of the house.
Lifting car seats, manoeuvring the pram, lugging about nappy bags and standing to change him countless times a day was tough. I always felt I should be doing more with him. I worried that I wasn't getting him out and about enough, but I just didn't feel up to it. Especially at the toddler stage when they run off and you have to follow, wobbly legs or not!
Mummy gets tired more easily
Now my son is older and at school some things are easier. But it also brings up different challenges like getting him there and back. There’s all the parties that are a drive away and I struggle with driving distances and tiredness. And all the activities he does - which others have to help with as they're too physical for me. I know many parents feel guilt but having MS adds that extra dimension.
My son is aware that I have something called MS, or M&S as he calls it! But I haven't gone into all the details yet. He just knows that mummy gets tired more easily and has a special badge so I can park nearer to things. I try not to make a big deal of it or hide it, and he seems to take it in his stride at the moment.
Love is the main thing
On the huge plus side, having him in my life brings a lot of laughter and there's never a dull moment! He definitely distracts me from how I'm feeling sometimes. Plus all the hugs he gives me help a lot. I'd like to have given him a sibling but feel it's a lot easier to look after one child than two or more. Especially when you're not feeling the best every day.
This Mothers' Day it'll be 7 years since he came into my life and I'm so grateful to have him. I try not to dwell on what I find hard to do. I enjoy what we can do together like cinema sessions at home or making cakes.
Whether you have MS or not, I guess it's impossible to be the perfect parent. As long as your child is loved, I'd like to think that's the main thing!
