Telling people
"The hardest thing I've ever had to do was tell my partner that I had MS. How could I expect him to understand and support me when I hadn't even accepted the truth myself?"
Telling people that you have MS is hard. If your family have been with you through the process of diagnosis then they may already have an understanding of what having MS will mean for you and them. But sometimes they will have no idea what the condition is and will have lots of questions that you might find difficult to face and not have the answers to yet. You will also need to tailor the information you give to fit the person you are telling, whether it's a child, someone you only see socially, or your oldest friend.
Being able to confidently open up about something this sensitive and emotional takes practice. If you find it hard talking about personal issues then there are a number of techniques that can help. Writing down what you want to get across to the person you are telling and even doing some role-playing with someone you trust, are good strategies.
Role-playing can also be a part of self-help or support groups or done with the help of a counsellor who has experience of working with people with MS. But whatever way you approach the process, all it can do is help your confidence and help you speak more openly about MS.
Telling Parents
"My mum wanted to wrap me up in cotton wool when I told her. I really appreciate my family's support. I just want them to realise I can still do stuff for myself."
People with MS often say their parents feel guilty immediately following a diagnosis, believing that they have somehow 'given' you the condition. The best thing to do is to give them information about MS and the time to digest it. Then, be open and willing to discuss any questions and concerns they may have.
Telling Partners
If you have a partner, then your MS will change their lives as much as yours. People worry that this strain will be too much and their partner will leave them. You can't predict the future, all kinds of things make couples split up and MS is one of them, but as with all issues that affect couples during their relationship, communication is the key. Understand that this is a shock to them too and they might need your support, and reassurances that you will try not to let MS affect your relationship adversely, as much as you need theirs.
It helps to remember that it will take time for the person you tell to absorb what you have said. Think how long it has taken you to accept your illness. With your disclosure, you have begun a discussion with that person, and more communication will be required as time passes.
How do I tell my children I have MS?
"When I told my children, my youngest daughter convinced herself that I was going to be taken away from her. Now she understands that it just means I can't do as much physical stuff as other mums."
Children are very intuitive. More often than not they will know there is something going on and worry about what it is. It's always better to tell children the truth and explain to them, in terms they can understand, how MS will impact on their life. Its natural that they will have questions, feelings, and concerns that you should encourage them to share with you. Remember that children are often more resilient and accepting of life's changes than adults.
It is very important that you make sure children understand they haven't caused the MS, that it isn't contagious, that they won't catch it and also that it's very unlikely that they themselves will get MS as these issues are what cause children the most anxiety.
For more information about local support groups for children, where they can share their experiences with people their own age, call the MS Society helpline: 0808 800 8000.