Love Life
"When I was first diagnosed, it felt like my world had come crashing in. I had only been seeing my new partner for three months. I was really worried that my MS would stop us having a lasting relationship"
No matter what stage of the dating game you're at, relationships bring their own challenges (and rewards too!). Whether single, newly coupled-up or in a long-term partnership, it's important to recognise that many people with MS face additional emotional and physical problems, but with a few adjustments many of these can be overcome.
Changes to your concentration levels or muddled thinking, for example, can affect how you communicate with your partner. People with MS may 'drift away' during intimate discussions or during sex. Their partners may misinterpret this symptom and feel they are uninteresting lovers or their romantic skills aren't up to scratch. It's important you both accept this lack of concentration for what it is - a genuine symptom of MS - and understand it doesn't necessarily signal lack of interest.
Tips for couples
Communication is very important. People with MS and their partners often report that the condition creates both physical and emotional barriers and their relationship can suffer as a result. Discussing your fears can help to prevent you from feeling isolated and withdrawing from your partner even further. Counselling, talking to healthcare professionals and good tailoring of symptomatic treatments can also help your love life.
Sexual relationships
Although sexual difficulties are relatively common in all walks of life, having MS can bring about particular problems for both men and women. This is because MS can cause damage to the nerves within the brain and spinal cord that are responsible for sexual function.
Not everyone with MS will experience sexual problems, and as with other MS symptoms, it is impossible to predict who will be affected and how. If you are affected, the good news is that understanding of MS related sexual dysfunction has improved dramatically in recent years and many treatments, therapies and techniques are now available and can help you achieve a fulfilling love life.
Body Mapping
Reconciling yourself with your MS means taking time to investigate and explore how it affects you. Body mapping is a simple self-exploration technique in which you set aside time to gently touch all parts of your body to identify what results in sexual pleasure, discomfort or sensory change. Allow approximately 15 to 20 minutes each time you do this. Ensure you 'map' your entire body not just the areas commonly associated with sexual pleasure. Knowledge gained from body mapping can help you find out what is enjoyable and what causes you discomfort.
MS and dating
"I realised I couldn't decide for another person if they want a relationship with me or not. All I can do is be myself and if they don't want to know me because of my MS then it's their loss."
Dating is never easy at the best of times. The prospect of meeting new people with the view to a relationship can bring all your self-doubt and insecurities to the fore. For people with MS, this social challenge can be even more difficult as they find themselves questioning whether another person would be interested in having an intimate relationship with someone with MS. It's true some people will be put off by MS, but many others will not. Just remember that there are many aspects to you and your life and MS is only part of that.
Support for gay and lesbian people
Gay and lesbian people affected by MS may find it difficult to talk to their healthcare professional about intimacy issues. There is a dedicated support group 'Gay and Lesbian people affected by MS' (GLAMS), which can provide support and advice. Email GLAMS.