Children
"When I look in their eyes and see how much energy and lust for life my children have. I forget I have MS."
After you have come to terms with your diagnosis you will be thinking about how MS will affect your family, especially if you have children. You may worry about how to explain to your children that you have MS and how they will take the news. But probably most of all you may be frightened that having MS means that you can no longer give your children the time and attention they demand and deserve.
"Having MS and kids is definitely a challenge. It's hard to explain to them that we can't get a dog because walking it is too tiring for me. They just don't understand."
Don't worry, having MS won't make you less of a parent. And by thinking of some of the issues that you might face and learning new ways of coping, you can minimise the impact MS has on your children and deal with pretty much anything that they decide to throw at you.
If you're worried about the impact MS may have on your ability to get pregnant click here.
Coping with Children
You want to do the same things with your kids as you always did, but sometimes your MS can get in the way. While it's true that MS can have an effect on the more physically demanding side of being a parent, this doesn't mean you can't find other ways to have fun with your kids. Find other family activities that you can do together so that you don't lose out, such as arts and crafts, or introducing your child to a new hobby that you can do together. You will probably also find that you need to plan family trips and days out in advance. But why not make this part of the fun and anticipation by letting your children contribute to the planning.
If you feel tired, playing sports with your children or taking them out in the car to societies or clubs can be affected. If you are not able to do more physical things with your children, share the responsibility. Other family members, friends, extra curricular clubs and societies can help your children to do things that other children do normally.
Children as carers
"Sometimes my son gets angry at my MS because he feels it stops him having a normal life. I always let him vent his feelings. I can't expect him to take on adult responsibilities without treating him as an adult"
Often older children will find that their responsibilities around the house increase when their parent is diagnosed with MS. Unfortunately, with this added responsibility comes added stress and a child may get angry with you because they have to do things that other children don't. Making sure your child is not overburdened, letting them voice their feelings and encouraging them to have a life away from MS, can help them adjust to their new role. However, the positive side of this obligation is that often, helping a parent with MS, can teach children valuable life lessons about family responsibilities and caring for others.
This website for Young Carers may be of interest to your children.
Order the publication 'My Mum's got MS' from the main MS Society website.