Skip navigation
MS Society
  • Translations
  • Contact us
  • A-Z
  • Donate now
  • Login
  • Register
Welcome guest
  • Normal
  • Muted contrast
  • High contrast
  • Low graphics / Text only
  • Home
  • What is MS?
  • MS support
  • MS news & research
  • Near me
  • Get involved
  • About us

Home » Forum home » Everyday Living

helpless :(

Tags: Emotional support, Treatments and therapies
5 posts / 0 new
Login or register to post comments
Last post
helpless :(
Author
Post
busybee
06 Jun 2012 at 9:28PM
Top

Hi all i have joined in the hope i can provide some advice for my family. My mum has ms and has had for around 25 years wow i type and can remember being told mum had it . Anway she has lived a decent enough life up until lately she has suddenly gone quite severley down hill, unfortunately i live in a different place to her and my sister has had to do most of the care work etc i feel so guilty as my sister is slowly sinking i can see how depressed she is becoming and feel helpless to do anything. I have talked about options with her these are at the moment being met with complete it is out of the question by her the final option is i give up my job and take me and my kids back to be closer and help with mums care i feel reluctant to do this to my children if it was just me i definately would go.

The options i put forward were possibly looking in to getting a home help so someone would go in a couple of times a week to help with getting mum to the bathroom etc maybe do a bit of cleaning etc...i worry that mum lives in high rise flats although moving to a warden run place were independance is in place with the security of someone being around to help if required or i go back everytime i have holidays, i work term time this option is one i dont feel fair to my kids should they have to give up their lives and friends i personally dont feel that would be right i mean some of the holiday time is fine as we do that anyway.Iam inclined to go down the home help route what do people think? I really need to help them all  to give respite to sister and help to mum but just dont know how to without everyone falling out i have other siblings who dont live close and dont tend to bother with family much.

this is all breaking my heart...

regards busy :(

JellyBean
06 Jun 2012 at 9:51PM
Top

Hello and welcome.

Firstly you have come to the right place and yes we understand your worries.

Social Services can help with personal care such as washing and dressing even possibly help with cleaning.OT can advise on diffrent help available,your GP,social worker,MS nurse and other service providors there are even charitable organisations to.

For hospital appointments the GP can order a pick up and drop off etc.

Yes a place with a warden would be an excellent idea.Would mum consider it?

I am a mum and I wouldnt take my child away from her school,her brilliant friends.It realy is not fare on the children.So do not feel guilty about not living closer.Its not a good thing when families cannot agree on things,maybe there is one member who may listen to some of your ideas and may sugest them to others.

Charlie,x

 

lals02
06 Jun 2012 at 10:05PM
Top

Definitely get help - your sister seems to be trying to do too much, and even just a couple of hours a week will make a difference to her, it'll give your mum somebody different to talk to as well.  I have MS, but my mum also had it, and was very ill very quickly, she was diagnosed when I was 16, and my brother (who is 2 years younger than me) and I had to help a lot, but when a visiting home help, and eventually a live-in one were introduced, it took a hell of a lot of pressure off us.  It wasn't easy for any of us to adjust to all these different people coming in to the house, but we needed the help, and we got there eventually.

Keep in touch, let us know how you get on,

Luisa x

Janet
06 Jun 2012 at 10:36PM
Top

Hello and Welcome,

This is an ackward situation for you and your sister. I definately agree with Luisa, get help, it's to much and you shouldn't be made to feel you need to take your children away from everyyhing they know. Charlie has given you places to start but you can also ring the MS helpline and they would give you good advice.

Please let us know how you get on and if you need any other help, just ask.

Janet

x

busybee
06 Jun 2012 at 11:06PM
Top

hey all thank you so much for your replies. I have looked through the ms website and discovered a day resource centre were im from. Iam thinking when i go back in summer i will be chatting to mum and hopefully convince her to pop down with me, they say to just drop in for coffee and a chat, they also run different classes she used to love things like that before the ms maybe this will get the idea to mum that it is ok to go out and do a little more and maybe make some new friends figure if i can maybe get this going then we can move on to talking to mum about home help. A start maybe if mum is in agreement then hopefully the rest of the family will settle and be happy about things i mean surely they need to realise mum is still capable of decisions. Will post updates. 

Should have said oldest sister (not the one who cares for mum) has had a recent diagnosis of ms as much it would be good to have a little help from that direction i understand she is dealing with her diagnosis she is exactly the way mum was when she was first diagnosed able to lead a decent life maybe it is frigtening her and maybe making her question her own future.

regards busy...

» Back to Everyday Living forum
‹ Previous topic: Czech health care system- Fantastic experience Next topic: Vit D3 & headaches - connection? ›

Free MS Helpline
Phone: 0808 800 8000
helpline@mssociety.org.uk
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Youtube
  • Accessibility
  • Contact us
  • Cookies
  • Media
  • Privacy
  • Terms of use

Multiple Sclerosis Society. Registered charity nos 1139257 / SC041990. Registered as a limited company in England and Wales 07451571

Fundraising Standards Board

Designed and developed by Precedent